Mary Worth 1,307

"Yeah, maybe next time we can hang out at the bank, and then head over to the dry cleaners."

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Mary Worth 1,306

Paula Smith, hotness scale: 6

Dawn Weston, hotness scale: 7

So NYEAH!

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Mary Worth 1,305

"Oh no! Why didn't I just buy my groceries and leave? Instead, I had to take one last stroll through the produce section, remembering the days when Dave used to bring ME here to make out."

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Mary Worth 1,304

Finally, Mary Worth returns to the basics: the Dark Arts. No more Sitting-On-The-Sidelines Mary! She's ready to meddle and shape the destiny of even the most unworthy purple-clad, love-losing woman-child. Beware the beguiling Dawn Weston, gentlemen. She's soon to be armed with a love spell that will drag your heart to the very depths of hell.

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Mary Worth 1,303

And, thus, Dawn has become nothing more than the hapless henchman of the nefarious Evil Dr. Polar Bear, a mere puppet in his paws, driven to destroy the world. We need a hero. Oh, Mary Worth, where are you? Why have you abandoned us in our time of need?

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Mary Worth 1,302

Oh, no, Dave has been dating Charlie Smith's ex-wife! I wonder if she has any scarred children, like Emily Smith?

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Mary Worth 1,301

Dawn, don't worry about Dave wanting to be friends. He doesn't mean it. He's probably just upset that as soon as Steve Jobs dies, you switched to a PC.

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Mary Worth 1,300

"Dave" is the screen name Bobby Black uses to pick up chicks on the Internet. He's doing a lot of dumping today.

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Mary Worth 1,299

"I have so much hope now, Jeff. So much. Perhaps one day, I'll meet my true love, and he'll take me here, to my favorite restaurant, and ask me to marry him. Oh, I dream about it every day. Now, what's wrong Jeff. You look upset."

I'd like to take this moment to remind Karen Moy of the Third Commandment: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." The Ten Commandments are kind of like Mary's Law, only it comes from God. The ten include things like not killing, stealing, or committing adultery. So I'm thinking that the third one is probably important too.

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Your Attendance Was Appreciated

Dear Mary,

Thank you for attending my surprise wedding! Without you, Bobby and I would never have reunited. It was such a relief not to have any paparazzi there. Believe me, we've been so lucky avoiding the paparazzi. They haven't found us yet, but you'd never believe the lengths we've had to go to keep them from finding us. When we are out in public, Bobby wears sunglasses, and I wear a hat so that they won't recognize my famous ponytail.

I'm glad you were able to use our private worm hole to get back to Santa Royale quickly.

Well, gotta go. I think the paparazzi are staking out our house from across the street. Two big Italian looking guys with broken noses. Paparazzi are so ugly.

Once again, thank you for telling me about the Internet and helping me find my Bobby.

Love,

Gina Baroni Jiminez Black.